


Metamorphosis

by queenofinsanity6



Series: The Mad Adventures of the Doctor and Alice [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Aliens, Bechdel Test Pass, Female Homosexuality, Female Protagonist, Gen, Lesbian Character, POV Female Character, POV Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-05-05
Packaged: 2017-10-18 05:17:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofinsanity6/pseuds/queenofinsanity6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alice Rhodes has always considered herself to be completely normal. As normal as a girl can be, anyway, who's a lesbian and a gamer and a bit of a dreamer besides. But when she and half the people in town start getting sick, the Doctor shows up and turns her life completely on its head. It's up to them to save the town-and up to her to decide what happens next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Alice's Life Moves One Step to the Right

The entire situation, Alice decided as she walked into the doctor's office bright and early that Monday morning, was utterly insane. She'd spent her entire life almost unnaturally healthy, it was sure, but that was no reason to expect something to go horribly wrong here. She glanced around her perhaps a bit suspiciously as she walked up to check in.

It was a doctor's office. Calm, a bit sterile perhaps but nothing sinister or bizarre, no matter what her gut told her. And it wasn't even a bad feeling that she was having precisely, just the absolute certainty that something would happen. She'd felt that before, and it had never yet been right. So she should just shut up that inner voice that was yelling for her to take a good look around and relax.

With a deep breath and a shake of her head, that was exactly what she tried to do. She stepped forward to speak to the nurse at the desk with a very stern reminder to act normal. “Hi, I have an appointment at 9:30?”

The woman at the desk barely looked at her. “Name?” She asked, sounding supremely bored.

“Alice Rhodes.” She replied, feeling rather small with the nurse's disinterest.

The woman rolled her eyes. “Name of the DOCTOR you're seeing.” she clarified, as if she were explaining it to someone with a mental handicap.  
Alice blushed. “I think it was... Smith? I just asked for the earliest appointment.”

Another long suffering look from the nurse. “Don't think we even have a Smith here.” She replied shortly. She typed something into the computer anyway, and her eyebrows went up. “Apparently we do, but only for today. That's strange.”

Alice shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

The nurse sighed and typed something into the computer. “Right. Take the clipboard and fill out all the paperwork. We'll be with you shortly.”  
Alice took the clipboard and groaned at the stack of paper it held. Taking a seat at the far corner of the waiting room, where she was as far away from others as she could get, she pulled out the attached pen and started filling out the ten page questionnaire about herself, her insurance, her medical history, and that of half her extended family.

It was ridiculous, really. Surely this amount of detail would never actually be of any use to anyone? She took great pleasure in skipping half of the form-she'd never met her father and never heard the slightest bit about him or his family from her mother. In general the consensus of the rest of her mother's family was that he'd been a waste of time from the start, and that's all they would say about it.

Mostly it was a source of frustration, but here and now she was grateful to only have five pages worth of paperwork instead of ten.

She finished it quickly and spent a good half hour online via her phone before another nurse came out and called her name. She quickly pocketed the phone and headed through the door the nurse held open for her.

“Just down that hallway and to the left. You're in room 'C', it'll be the third one on the right.” The nurse told her before hurrying off in the opposite direction. Great. Alice had a passing thought to call the nurse back and make her show the way, but discarded it as petty. Most likely she had something that needed to get done, otherwise she wouldn't have rushed off. Still, though, when you've got a patient whose primary concern is randomly not being able to walk, you'd think the doctor would spare a nurse to make sure she got to the room safely.

She sighed and headed off. It wasn't really that she expected to have a problem, but some concern would have been nice. The place was fairly busy, which didn't surprise her. There was some kind of bug going around, half her regulars hadn't been showing up for a week. Everyone was buzzing about it, apparently the doctors were having trouble with it. Alice had to admit that under the circumstances, a girl with vague symptoms that sounded like an excuse to skip work would probably not be top priority.

That was about the point where all thought was distracted by the fact that her knee once again decided it wanted to bend in a way that was physically impossible, and that was followed immediately by the all too familiar sensation of falling forward with no way to stop herself.  
She was pleasantly surprised when someone rushed out of a nearby doorway to catch her. “Thanks.” She replied, irrationally embarrassed. “That would have been less than pleasant.” She tested her leg gently and found that it still seemed determined to only bend to the left and she sighed. That figured out, she turned her head to get a glimpse of her rescuer.

Her immediate thought was that he was rather cute for a man, though she suppressed it quickly. He was tall and gangly, with what artfully tousled hair and a wide grin that she couldn't help but return. He was wearing a rather outrageous blue suit under a lab coat. She immediately guessed that he was a doctor, since the nurses all wore scrubs. “Well, I couldn't just let you fall, now could I?” he asked her in a warm, friendly voice. She was rather surprised to note that he had a rather thick British accent, though it did seem to fit him.

She laughed. “I suppose not.” she replied, sparing a passing thought to wonder how a British doctor ended up so far from home. “But it was still a kindness, and so thank you.” She continued flexing her knee as subtly as she could as she spoke, mentally swearing at the continuation of the problem.

“Not a problem at all. Are you going to be able to make it the rest of the way, or do you need a hand?” He shifted his arms so he could hold her up a little less awkwardly, letting her lean on his outstretched arm.

She was grateful for that, as she had been pressed up rather intimately to him. She flexed her knee experimentally and was relieved to find that it seemed to be working normally. “I think I'm alright.” She told him, “But thank you.” She shifted her weight onto the problematic leg and smiled when it held.

He nodded and continued on his way-which ended up being straight into the room she herself was headed to. She grinned. Perhaps today wouldn't be so bad after all.

She entered the room just behind him, grinning at his surprised look. “Oh, no way.” he said, sounding about as delighted as he looked. “You're Alice?”

She nodded and dropped a half bow. “That I am. I take it you're Doctor Smith?”

He smiled. “Funny how these things work out, isn't it?” He waved at the chair nearest the door. “Well, sit down. Don't want you falling over again.”

Alice smiled wryly and sat. “This is true.” She handed him the clipboard. “So, Dr. Smith, where do we start?”

He reached into a pocket to pull out a pair of reading glasses. “Your guess is as good as mine.” He remarked with another charming smile. He was a flirt, then, Alice noted, though she somehow didn't think he noticed that he was. Call it instinct, but he seemed to be honestly just that friendly. “Why don't you tell me why you're here in the first place.”

She nodded. “My joints don't work quite properly anymore.” She said hesitantly.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh?”

She nodded. “They're not creaky or achey or weak as such.” She sighed. “They just... don't always want to bend the right way.”

He looked desperately interested at that, she noticed, though he appeared to be making an attempt to hide it. “What do you mean?”

“In the hallway, just then? My knee tried to bend sideways. I don't know how or why, but it did. Didn't work though, because obviously the joint just isn't built for that. But it tried. Last week my I stretched out my arm and my elbow tried to bend clear back around to my shoulder.” She fidgeted with her bag a bit nervously. “It's just so bizarre I hardly believed it was happening at first.”

He nodded sympathetically. “So how long has it been going on, then?”

“About a month?” She shrugged. “That was the first time I noticed it, anyway.” She smiled wryly. “You know I spent a good five minutes writing all of this down on that form you're holding. Maybe you should give it a peek?”

“Right, paperwork. That I should read. Just a moment.” He smiled absently at and began flipping through the pages much faster than he ought to be able to read them. “Is this right?” he asked, raising one eyebrow, “You've never been to a doctor before?”

Alice nodded. “Mom didn't like them very much.” she told him. “I never got sick, so she never took me. I still don't know how I managed to get by without any of my vaccines, but she pulled it off. Never would tell me why, but she wouldn't hear of me going anywhere near even so much as the school nurse.”

He made a note on the chart. “Right then. But now things are acting up. For the first time in your entire life. That's rather unusual in this century, isn't it?”

She blinked. “This century? It's better than all the previous ones. What, are you from the future or something?” She laughed at her own joke, partially because that feeling of something happening was increasingly hard to ignore.

“Or something.” He agreed good naturedly. “Oh, but we're all time travelers in a way, it's just that most of us can only go one direction.”  
Alice raised her eyebrows. “Most of us? As in, not you?”

“Oh, I like you.” He said with a grin, “Quick on your feet. Metaphorically speaking, anyway.”

Alice noted that he did not answer the question, and concluded that the answer was probably yes. “So you're a doctor and a time traveler. What brings you here? I doubt that whatever is wrong with me is that interesting.”

“Not A doctor, The Doctor. Actually. No Smith. That's just because you lot are so strange about names.” He corrected her with a twinkle in his eye. “And possibly it is. It's certainly unusual, and there's something strange about you, Alice Rhodes.”

“You lot? Meaning what, Americans? Last time I heard, Brits still use real names.” She said, getting flustered, “And what exactly do you mean by something strange? I'm perfectly normal. Well, in most respects, but the ways in which I am not are absolutely none of your concern.”

He grinned at her. “Mostly, they do.” he replied absently, reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulling out a strange silver device that looked to Alice rather like a really fancy pen, except she couldn't see any part of it that looked like it could be written with.

“What is that?” Alice asked, glad for a distraction.

He grinned. “Sonic screwdriver.” He fiddled with the device for a moment before pressing a button and waving it at her. It made a strange squealing noise that hurt her ears.

“Shit, OW!” she swore, wincing away. “What exactly is a sonic screwdriver-because it can't be what it sounds like, that's just insane-and why are you waving it at me?”

“Oh, relax.” He said, examining it as he spoke. “It's like a multitool, but better. And yes, it is a screwdriver. It can also do anything else that can be done by manipulating sound waves. Including do a basic scan of you. Much neater than the bulky machines this time period's got.”  
Just when she thought her day couldn't get any weirder. “Alright then, what's it say?” She smiled a bit inwardly at this small confirmation of his implication that he was a time traveler.

For a moment, his face fell and his eyes grew sadder. It went back to normal so quickly that she couldn't be sure she hadn't just imagined it. “Judging by the readings, I was absolutely right.” He glanced back at her, away from the screwdriver. “You're not going to like this.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Not going to like what, exactly? You aren't about to tell me that I'm dying, are you? Because if so, then I think I want a proper test, not some strange noisy screwdriver.”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that.” He assured her with a wave of his hand. “That thing with your limbs, that's easily fixable. Probably. The thing is... Well I told you that there was something strange about you?”

Alice nodded, very confused.

“That would be because you're not exactly human. Well, not completely, anyway.” He put away his glasses as he spoke, giving her a measuring glance. “You're a Legoon. Well, half. Well, probably half. Most likely your father, since it says here you never met him.”

“Legume? Like a peanut? What are you talking about?” A hysterical laugh escaped her lips. She was starting to think that he wasn't just odd, but completely insane. It made more sense than what he was saying-aliens and time travel and sonic screwdrivers? Just wishful thinking. She shouldn't have been encouraging him. “You're nuts. Absolutely insane. Where's the real doctor? Are you from the college, here to pull a prank on some random unsuspecting patient? Or maybe you're crazy, and you got out of the psych ward?”

The Doctor shook his head, looking rather sad. “No, I'm the real Doctor. I'm not mad, and this isn't a joke. You're a Legoon. L-e-g-o-o-n. A race that came from Tacula 10, though for the past thousand years they've lived here on Earth. At least, they did, till about two hundred years ago. I thought they'd died out, but here you are. Brilliant.” He grinned at her, that same insane grin that was somehow charming enough to make her want to believe him.

“No, not brilliant.” Alice retorted, “Crazy. If there were aliens living on Earth, we'd know about it.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Aliens don't always look like aliens, you know. Sometimes they look like everyday people.” He met her eyes squarely. “People like you, Alice.”

“No.” She replied firmly. “No, not people like me, because I'd know if it was me. I'd be... green or furry or have gills or something.”

For some reason, he looked vaguely offended at the idea. “Of course not. There are plenty of other species that can pass for humans. Vespiforms, Jadeans if they get a little bit of work done, Raxacoricofallapatorians, Time Lords...” he grinned at her. “And, of course, the Legoone. Of course, theoretically speaking you ought to be able to take on an entirely different form as well, but I assure you, that's an entirely voluntary change.”

He waved aside her continued protests. “Don't you think it's just a touch strange that you've never been to a doctor? I bet you didn't get sick like other kids, not really. Oh, sure, the occasional sniffle, but nothing serious. Not even the flu, right?”

“Well, no.” Alice admitted, “But I just have a good immune system. It runs in my Mom's family. Plus she's terrified of doctors, so she was strict about hand washing and the like.”

He raised an eyebrow. “It runs in your family? That and a bit of hand washing means you never even had a cold? Come on, you must be thick to believe that.”

“I'm not thick, just sensible. These things don't happen. People don't just wake up one morning and find out they're half alien.” Alice glared at him.

“Apparently they do.” He replied primly, meeting her gaze steadily. “And didn't you ever wonder WHY your mother was so scared of doctors? I'd be willing to bet that it's something to do with you.”

She stood up angrily. “Me? Now you've gone from crazy to insulting. How dare you blame me for my mother's mental health issues. I'm not going to listen to this any more, and you can damn well bet I'll be complaining to whoever is in charge of this clinic.”

“No, wait, I didn't mean it like that.” He protested, but didn't stop her from walking out the door. He did, however, follow her down the hallway. “Look, just think about it. Maybe you're right, and there's nothing odd about you, or your life. But maybe I'm right, and there's been this huge question you've been ignoring. Just give it some thought.”

“No.” Alice said firmly. “No, you are not talking about this. I am not an alien. I'm a human girl from Texas, just an ordinary woman. Nothing fancy, nothing special, just a woman.”

“And that's where you're wrong.” He said, a look rather uncomfortably like pity in his eyes. “Come on, think about it. Why else would your mum have never taken you to a doctor? Most parents are always worried, take their kids in whether they need it or not. But you? You'd never been to a doctor, and you all of twenty six years old. You're clever, Alice. Don't you think that's strange?”

She opened her mouth to reply, couldn't think of anything to say, shut it again. “Yeah, but an alien? I think I'd notice.”

He laughed. “How? You wouldn't be an alien to yourself. To you, being fully human is alien.”

Alice shook her head, unable to calmly discuss the (dubious) fact that she belonged to a different species. “No. You can't just waltz in here and tell me that I'm an alien. You just can't. You're absolutely insane. I bet you're not even a real doctor! You're just a madman whose imagination is bigger than his brain. Leave me alone.” Alice said firmly, speeding up as much as she could without running into someone in the busy halls. She was extremely pleased to find that he did not try to keep up, even if there was some strange part of her that was disappointed by this. She'd done the right thing and left. It was obviously complete crap, and she knew better than to live her life hoping for some grand adventure to sweep her off her feet.

She didn't need to know what was wrong with her this badly. Clearly her mother had been right about doctor's offices. This one was obviously run by lunatics.


	2. Don't Eat the Chips

Over the next week or so, Alice made a point to be as enthusiastically average as possible. She went to work, wrote, had friends over for dinner, went to a bar, and led a thoroughly boring life. Surprisingly enough, she enjoyed it decently well. Boring things weren't staying boring. She caught a customer stealing from the till at work, had a fantastic date with a beautiful woman, and got a raise. Even her odd joints were less of a problem. It almost frustrated her in a way.

She wasn't sure whether it was just all the excitement or specifically because of what the strange Doctor had said, but it felt like a personal insult that life was so unpredictable. She's spent a good part of the past ten years trying to get things to happen with no real success, but now that she just wanted to be normal her life was going haywire. That was the first week in five years that she didn't buy a lottery ticket.

For whatever reason, he'd really gotten under her skin. There was absolutely no reason that she couldn't have just blown him off. Indeed, that would have been by far the most sensible option. The things he said were out of the question. Such obvious lies that she could only wonder at herself for believing them at the time. Even if aliens did exist, which did admittedly seem likely after the past few years, they wouldn't look like humans, and they certainly wouldn't be able to breed with them. It would be just plain unlikely that they would even have compatible genitalia, much less be able to actually produce offspring.

Time travel was equally impossible, really. Science proved that. She couldn't remember the actual reasoning, but she remembered reading about it as a teenager-the concept had always fascinated her, considering all of her mother's bedtime stories about the bizarre things that could happen to those that traveled in time and space. She'd been as relieved as she was devastated when she found it was an impossibility. For all that it made the world rather dull it also made it a whole lot safer. Imagine all the time travelers that could be walking around right now, if there were such a thing!

It was about three hours after the winning lottery numbers were picked that the full insanity of her plan kicked in. One mental patient said a few stupid things to her and she was letting it control her whole life? That made her loonier than him. She wouldn't do it. She decided then and there that she would go out and be exceptional, no matter what he said. With her new found luck she might actually be able to make something of herself.

She went into work that night with a spring in her step. She made a small fortune in tips, swapped friendly insults with the cooks and generally had the best time at work she'd had in ages. Perhaps she'd been looking at this whole situation the wrong way. This was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Her whole life was turning around, and as far as she could tell, it was simply because some strange man pretended to be a doctor and told her she was an alien. She half hoped she'd see him again, because it would give her a chance to thank him.

Towards the end of her shift, at around four in the morning, she got her wish. She turned around to see him there, standing at the hostess stand. He grinned like an idiot when he saw her and waved a bit more enthusiastically than was called for. She had a passing thought to let her co-worker deal with him before remembering that she was on break. Alice sighed. Well, it was what she'd wanted after all.

She walked up to the stand and gave him her best businesslike smile. “Welcome to Nan's Diner, is it just you tonight?”  
“Oh, yes.” He said, continuing to grin at her. “But I'm sure you already guessed as much, what with you being clever and all.”

She nodded. “I did figure as much. I'd be surprised if a madman like you had company eating at this hour.” She picked up a menu and marked a table off for him on the chart, carefully avoiding the obvious fact that he was there to try and talk to her. “Follow me and I'll get you seated.”

“You'd be surprised at how often I have had company over the years.” He replied, not seeming much bothered by the insult or the avoidance motivating it. “Apparently I'm mad in all the right sort of ways.”

Alice shook her head. “I'm afraid I'll have to disagree.” she told him, directing him to a booth at the far corner of the diner. That way, no matter how the conversation went, she'd be safe enough talking to him freely.

Not, she had to admit as she glanced around nervously, that anyone else was there. He was literally the only customer at the moment, and with her coworker gone the only one else left in the place was the cook, and he didn't speak English.

She waited until he sat down, handed him his menu, then slid in across from him. “So why are you here?” She wasn't going to say anything if she could avoid it, and maybe it really was an accident. After all, this was the only place in town open so late.

“Well, I just wanted a good plate of chips and some eggs and bacon. Saw this place was open and I thought I'd try it.” He replied, meeting her eyes steadily. It seemed he was happy to play casual for the moment, but she could see the challenge in his eyes.

For a moment, Alice was confused enough by the Briticism to lose her train of thought. “Chips?”

He sighed theatrically. “You lot call them fries? French fries? Which makes no sense, as they're not French at all. Well, technically they used to be. Invented by this brilliant man in Paris, back in.. Oh, 1843? Lovely year, really. Oregon trail, A Christmas Carol, a tunnel under the Thames.”

Alice blinked. Once again, his train of thought just moved so fast that she couldn't keep up-though she could tell he was trying to distract her. “Doctor.” She said firmly, refusing to be sidetracked.

He jumped and looked perhaps a bit guilty. “Ah, right. Why I'm here.” He looked back at her. “There's something strange going on around here. You're only part of it, I'm afraid. I'm getting some terribly strange readings from in here.”

“Readings?” she repeated rather skeptically. “What kind of readings? This is just a diner. The only thing strange here is how Nan gets a bunch of college kids to eat vegetables and meatloaf.”

He raised an eyebrow, looking amused. “Now that is strange.” He replied with a small smile. It faded as he continued. “Not why I'm here though. People are getting sick, Alice. All kinds of people, and the only thing they have in common as far as I can tell is a taste for this diner.”

She snorted. “This is a college town. People are always getting sick.”

He frowned at her. “Not like this. College towns have twelve different strands of the flu and a few dozen STDs, but not mysterious illnesses that appear completely different in everyone while it does mad things to their DNA. It's not even recognizable as a virus to the lot at the hospital, which is why no one's come nosing around here before me.”

Alice blinked. She knew a lot of her regulars were in the hospital, but she hadn't realized it was as serious as the Doctor made it sound. “How do you know all of this, anyway?”

“How do you think?” He winked. “I pretended to be one of their doctors for a day and nosed around a bit. I may be the Doctor but I don't make a habit of seeing patients. I wasn't supposed to see you, I don't know how their computer managed to actually give me a patient.”

“So, are you even a real doctor then?” Alice asked.  
He sighed. “Of course I'm the real Doctor, who else would I be? I've had the title for... oh, 800 years, give or take a century.”  
“800 years? You could have just said no. Or are you still on about aliens and time travel?” she reached over and smacked his shoulder lightly. “Just because I'm a waitress at a damn diner doesn't mean I'm stupid.”

He shook his head, rubbing his shoulder absently. “No, of course not! You're brilliant. Wouldn't have come to talk to you if I didn't think so. I'm very picky about my friends.”

Alice opened her mouth to argue his terming her a friend, but there was really no denying that she was, though she hadn't the faintest idea why. She barely knew the man, and yet she had the strangest impulse to trust him. If she were younger, she knew she would have done so, but being as it was, she was disinclined to trust anyone, especially a charmer like him whom had given her no reason to do so. “Right. Well, if I'm so brilliant, then why do you insist on talking such utter nonsense?”

“Oh, dear. Why can't you just trust me?” He glanced over at her stony expression and sagged a bit. “Don't answer that. Look, just give me a chance? What's the worst that could happen?”

In spite of herself, Alice laughed. “Now that you've said that? I shudder to think. Still, I suppose I'll never get a straight answer from you if I don't. You get two days. Forty eight hours, starting now.”

He grinned at her. “Right. Now take me to the kitchen. I need to have a look at what they're putting in the food.”

“I still can't let you back there.” She pointed out reasonably. “If my boss found out I let a customer in the kitchen, I'd be fired!”

He pulled what looked like a worn leather wallet out of his pocket. “Ah, but what if you let a health inspector in?”

“But you're not. I'd have to check your ID-and you don't have one.” She rolled her eyes.

“Don't I?” he grinned and showed her the inside-which turned out to not be a wallet at all, just a blank piece of paper. “John Smith, health and safety.”

She glanced from the paper to the Doctor, who looked inordinately pleased with himself. “It's blank.” She told him, “A blank piece of paper isn't going to fool anyone.”

He frowned. “That's not possible.” He glanced down at the paper, then back to her. “Oh, of course! I'm thick! Old and thick.” He ignored her snort of disbelief. “You're a Legoon. They have low level psychic abilities. Normally you'd need training to be able to use them, but your physiology is already trying to assert itself, so it's easier for you to tap into your latent abilities. That's brilliant!”

She raised an eyebrow. “Right. Because I'm half alien. That must be it, because it makes so much more sense than this being a blank piece of paper.”

“Alice, you promised me.” He reminded her. “Two days. You're not planning on breaking your word, are you?”

She eyed him thoughtfully. “Would you leave if I did?”

“Nope.” He said, looking a bit downcast. “I've still got work to do, people to save. Including you, for that matter, though admittedly you're slightly lower down on the list due to a distinct lack of imminent death.”

She thought about it for a moment. “Then I guess you have your two days. I'd never really break my word anyhow. But I still can't let you in to the kitchen.”

He nodded. “Alright, tell you what. You go off and do whatever work you ought to be doing, and I'll have a nice professional chat with the other girl, show her my ID on this handy psychic paper, and then when she calls you over to let you know a health inspector is here, you pretend to see whatever she sees on it. Or you could actually try to see what she sees. Theoretically you should be able to control your own ability, though that normally requires practice and training.”

She sighed. “Can't hurt, I guess. Leah should be back on the clock in a couple minutes, I'll just go do some paperwork in the back.”

“Perfect.” He grinned at her. “Oh, and don't forget my order! Investigating is hungry work you know.”

She laughed. “Of course. Your 'chips.' How could I forget.”

With that, she stood up and headed for the kitchen to put in the order, lingering just long enough for Leah to come back and agree to watch the front. True to her word, she settled down with the various forms she had to fill out as the junior manager on staff. Even at the best of times the work was insufferably dull, and attempting to focus on it now, when every moment she expected something to go horribly wrong, was absolute torture. How long could the Doctor's gambit take, anyway? Either it worked and she rushed in here, or it didn't, and Leah came in to tell her about the crazy man pretending to be a health inspector to try and catch a peek in the kitchens.

Even so, the next ten minutes were unbelievably long. She was about to give it up as a bad job when Leah peeked into the tiny office, looking frantic. “Alice?”

Alice looked up from the papers, trying very hard to appear disinterested. “Yeah?”

“That man out there?” She paused, looking scared. “I brought him his food, like you said. But he... he took one bite of the eggs and demanded to see the kitchen. Next thing I know he's whipping out his ID and it says he's a health inspector.”

Alice's jaw dropped. He really was telling the truth, at least about the paper. Or perhaps he'd had a real badge the whole time and was simply pulling one over on her? Either way, this promised to be interesting. “Alright, I'll go talk to him, Leah. Relax.”

She stood up with some relief and made her way back to the table and a very smug looking Doctor. Leah followed behind her nervously. “Sir? Leah says you're a health inspector? Can I see your id?”

He looked amused as he handed it over. “Of course. Here you go. Proper identification. I take it you're the manager on duty?” The mirth in his voice was barely contained. It was probably lucky that Leah was too much in awe to pay attention-otherwise she might have noticed something was wrong.

Much to Alice's confusion, the paper was not still blank-but it was probably the same one, as it was still stuck in the battered leather wallet. It looked like a health department ID, though she was amused to note that it said it was from a place called Gallifrey, and the expiration date was listed as 5372.

She raised an eyebrow. “Well, it looks to be in order. Though it looks like it's about to expire-you might want to pick up a new one before you go raiding kitchens again.”

He blinked and looked at the paper as she handed it back to him. “Ah. Well, I'm sure this can be straightened out. Just a misprint.” He looked rather uncomfortable, and she took pity on him and dropped the subject for the moment.

She nodded. “Of course.” Alice turned to Leah. “Why don't you go wrap silverware for a bit? I need you out here in case someone comes in.”

The girl nodded and walked off, looking relieved. Alice turned back to the Doctor. “So, lets take a look at those kitchens.  
He popped a fry into his mouth and stood, brushing a few crumbs off of his lapel.”Brilliant. Lead the way, Alice.”

As they stepped into the kitchen, Alice dropped her pleasant manager smile and turned to him curiously. “So what is it that you expect to find, exactly?”

He started opening cabinets and peering into warmers, glancing back at her distractedly. “Oh, you know. Anything that would make people sick. Mold, mildew, unusual chemicals, alien ingredients...”

She snorted. “And you expect to find those at a diner?”

He shrugged, grinning widely at her over a cabinet door. “Found Krillitane oil in a school cafeteria once.”

“What?” Alice frowned, unsure whether or not he was just teasing her. Not that she was sure yet that anything he said was true. Still, she'd promised, and so for the moment she would act as if she were.

“Really, though. This prep school back in London, a few years back. Run by Krillitanes intent on solving the Skasis paradigm.” He laughed at the skeptical look on her face. “Look it up when you get home if you like. Deffry Vale High, in London, back in...oh, 2007? We ended up having to blow it up.”

That was news to Alice. “We? So there's more of you? Where are they now?”

He looked away, attempting to look very busy “There were. Gone now. Safe and sound at home.”

She nodded. “And would that be the mysterious Gallifrey from the badge, then? Is that your home, your native time?”

He closed a cabinet a bit more forcefully than strictly necessary, but otherwise didn't seem to hear her. “Oh, now this is interesting.” He said, setting a jar full of a creamy yellowish substance down on the counter top. “Lets take a look.” He opened the jar, leaning down to sniff it delicately.

Alice looked at the label on the jar and sighed. “That's the fake butter.” She pointed out. “Nothing interesting about it.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and carefully dipped in a finger. “Oh, really?” he asked, tasting it delicately. “This is definitely not butter. Or any known butter substitute. Considering the complex chemical nature of it-including some not yet discovered on Earth, I'd say that this is something else entirely.”

Alice winced. “Don't put your finger in it! Now we're going to have to throw that entire jar away.” She eyed him warily. “You figured that out by tasting it? That's insane. Utter bullshit.”

“You promised you'd trust me.” He reminded her, looking smug. “Either you hold to that and learn a few things, or you don't and you should stop asking questions and let me get on with it..”

She sighed.“Fine then. Why exactly would someone bother to give us crazy chemical compounds instead of fake butter? That just doesn't make sense.”

The Doctor nodded. “That's the interesting part. I don't know yet.” He took another delicate taste. “I don't have my instruments with me, but it's pretty clearly a created virus. Genetically engineered. Made to mutate the cells somehow.”  
Alice paled. “So the food is making people sick. Why aren't I sick yet?”

“Oh, it won't work properly on you, you're not completely human.” He assured her, looking concerned all the same. “Though that may explain why your joints are going mad. It's probably just harming the human bits and the Legoon bits are trying to assert themselves. A Legoon's joints are all ball and socket affairs, they rotate all the way around, like yours are trying to do. And now your latent psychic abilities are showing.” He frowned. “But the question is, why would somebody make a virus designed to attack the specifically human bits of DNA and leave everything else?”

Alice's eyes narrowed. “What about you, then? You ate the fries. Are you going to get sick too, now?”

He shook his head and closed the jar, looking smug for some reason. “I don't expect so. I'm a healthy sort of bloke.” He proceeded to put the jar in his pocket, which was fairly impossible considering the size of the jar, but it didn't even leave a bulge in the fabric.

“How did you do that?” She asked, eyes wide.

He grinned. “Oh, I have my ways.”

“So what now?” She asked, watching him walk towards the door. “You just leave and I never see you again? You promised me answers.”

“Technically, I didn't promise you anything.” He replied, eyes dancing with mirth. “But I expect you'll see me again anyway.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? When, exactly?”

“Oh, sometime soon.” He had a very satisfied smile on his face, “But we've both got things to do before then.”  
She stared. “Things to do?”

The winning smile returned. “Oh, well, I've got to go analyze this stuff, figure out exactly what it's supposed to do.”

She shook her head. “No, you said we BOTH have things to do. What exactly do you think I have to do?”

“Well, I expect you'll be wanting to talk to your Mum, see if she'll tell you anything about your father. There's a chance-a good chance, really, that she knows what he was. She might be able to fill in the blanks.” She got the feeling he thought she was putting him on, that it should have been obvious. He clearly had never met her Mother.

“No point, she's not... Not lucid enough.” Alice admitted quietly, “Last time I visited her she went on and on about someone messing with her insides. Called me Leon, begged me to stop.”

There was no pity in his gaze, just sympathy, mixed with perhaps the tiniest bit of something she couldn't quite identify. That was good-if she'd seen pity she would have slapped him. “Perhaps she might make a little more sense now that you know?” At her unconvinced expression, he shrugged. “What do I know, I haven't had a proper family in... blimey, a long time. But, for what it's worth? I'd think it would be worth a go to let your Mum know that you know, that you understand her a bit better. Might help, couldn't hurt.”

Alice blinked. She didn't quite want to admit it, but he made sense. He seemed to understand, watching her face carefully. “In any case, Alice Rhodes, I've got to be off. Places to be, things to do. I'll see you tomorrow night.”

With that, he strolled out to the front and paid Leah. Alice couldn't quite bring herself to chase him down. She had quite enough to think about already.


End file.
